Road Trip Recovery is a Thing.

 I feel a bit like Johnny Cash..."I've been everywhere, man! I've been everywhere!" I rolled in home late Saturday morning, exhausted and with the arthritis bellowing, but so glad to have made the trip.

I visited much-loved family, old friends, and and my dear army buddy. It was so good to hug them, speak in person, share laughter, memories, concerns, support and prayers.

I think, of my planned people time, Santa Fe NM with a dear friend were the best days of the trip.  I was experiencing a new place with an old friend; our first time to meet up and spend several days together as tourists.  We got along well, and she (like me) tends to take things in stride, enjoying positivity.  Neither of us had been to Santa Fe previously.  We had reserved tickets for a wonderful Flamenco Dance performance which was wonderful.  There was a bit of fusion to it, which made it more interesting.  I was glad we'd reserved ahead as it was sold out.  There was no one for me to take care of or console through a difficult time; the several days were simply relax and enjoy time.  The hotel was older, very well appointed and maintained with wonderful staff.  We were right in town, so everything was walkable.  

My other visits were wonderful, but in each place there was a loved one or two who suffered cognitive and/or physical issues and those helping them.  It's a mixed bag ... so wonderful to spend time with dearly loved people, and being able to ease their burden, be a listening ear.  But, of course, emotionally difficult because I love them and it's not easy to see loved ones struggle; to know this visit may be the last with some, that my next trip may be to see them off home and support the others.  

I met some amazing people in my traveling; while I'll most likely never see them again, sharing a bit of life with them and taking the time to really see them, encourage them, hear  about their journeys, accomplishments, and dreams was a beautiful blessing. Waitresses, hotel staff, store clerks, fellow hotel guests ... it's wonderful what a little patience, a few minutes and genuine interest garners. For me, this is a rewarding facet of road trips which I've learned to enjoy as I become more and more my authentic self.

Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, New Mexico round two, Texas, Oklahoma, Texas round 2, New Mexico round 3, Arizona round 2, home to my California desert. 4,000+ miles, nine hotels, two damaged tires, two and a half audio novels, lots of singing along full volume to my favorite songs on the music app, and hot cups of coffee while enjoying varying scenery roll by. And much reflecting.

I ate healthier than most past road trips, but still enjoyed delicious food. Some junk...chocolate being my fave junk food. Had delicious lamb fajitas in Santa Fe. I enjoy lamb, and this was a new iteration. In Colorado on the road I experienced Sherpa Stew for the first time at a little family owned restaurant. The young man made sure I understood it to be the Nepal/Himalayan variety, not the spicier Tibetan dish. So delicious!! I'll be finding the recipe online. While I returned up five pounds, "I regret nothing!"

I'm working my way back to my regular home healthy lifestyle (versus my road trip healthy-with-a-side-of-ohwhynotyouonlyliveonce enjoyment). Two pounds gone already; amazing the difference between cooking at home and eating out.

Time to start the saving cycle again so that I can take my road trip next year. 

Why TheThoughtsComingOutofMyHead?

 

I wrote this particular entry a little over a year ago, using a different blogging name, and posted it elsewhere on a site which carried better privacy protection, but ultimately was above my tech-savvy-ability level.  

Why TheThoughtsComingOutofMyHead?

I have realized for a while that a great deal of my life is lived inside my head.  Is this a problem? No.  Yes.  At the same time.

No, not a problem. I enjoy thinking.  I’m rarely bored, as I think about things, make up scenarios, entertain wild flights of imagination and drama, have conversations with myself in my head … thoughts springing from a song on the radio, speculation based on what I observe around me at any given time. I think about characters from books and movies and what they might do differently, how they are carrying on after the story’s end. I make up stories in my head, rarely completed or put on paper or computer.

Being a thinker, I think: It could be rewarding to converse with another person about some of these things.  Why don’t I? How could I make this happen? Book club? (I tried one book club, and it was not a fit for me but possibly.)  A movie-watching and discussion group? Hmm.  Maybe so. I’ll have to give it more thought.  I don’t want to rush into anything just now.  (More about this later or another time. Or maybe never...)

Yes, either a problem or a sign of one.  Some of the thoughts and conversations in my head are not of the happy and entertaining variety.  Rehashing things from my real life past that wounded.  Fabricating various stories in my head which are guaranteed to contain the following elements:  someone wronging/victimizing me; ultimately making them sorry. (Yep, issues and trauma damage that need to be faced, healed, and left behind, now that I ‘have the time’. Too bad I didn’t make the time decades ago, but whatever.)

Why am I experimenting with blogging?  I’m feeling a bit stuck in my life just now and want to figure it out and move on joyfully.  I’m at a point where I do not have to take care of anyone anymore. I’m retired, so have time to do the things I enjoy once I figure out what they are. I have more of my life behind me than ahead of me and do not want to waste any of it hanging back or being stuck.  Yes, I am speaking with a therapist short-term; hard work but I’m willing to work for living a life I enjoy more completely and freely. She suggested possibly blogging about an area of interest I mentioned to her (more about that another time).

Circling back: Why choose the name TheThoughtsComingOutofMyHead for my blog?  Once I gave real thought to blogging, I recognized I want to break out of the reserved/shy mode; take a lot of that stuff out of my head and talk about it out loud.   I may be the only one that reads my blogs.  And if so, okay, it will help me process my own journey and I’ll enjoy the writing.

So, a little time has passed.  My time with the therapist has been difficult but worth it. More painful than I could have anticipated.  The growth, healing and freedom to be myself unapologetically is more than the pain of the process. I am close to finished with therapy, but the insights and tools will stand me in good stead in an ongoing fashion.